TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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