Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
time to smoke my breakfast
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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