Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
