found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
