Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
