I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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