he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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