my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
