WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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