good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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