the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
