my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
