he thought i was a dude.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We have so much sex to catch up on
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
