Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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