She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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