So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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