I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my being single is dangerous.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
