its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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