Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
