on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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