I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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