Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
