if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
