its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
