Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
