How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
