you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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