Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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