I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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