That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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