he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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