Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he was CRYING into my vagina
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the liver wants what the liver wants
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
