Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
