Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
