So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
