My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
