I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
