Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
