I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
