omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
