so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
