Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
