More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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