she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
