I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
