my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My balls are so social today.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
