Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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