I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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