well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
