talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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