Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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