So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
