He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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