I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
