just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
