I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
