...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
