He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
