I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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