Christians are straight up FREAKS
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
