Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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