Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
