God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
