I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
