Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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