I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
