hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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