God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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