It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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