Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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