So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
