She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
