It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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